Agreed, Dougal Lorne.

This is how I deal with my mother, whom I see as a fellow human in pain (she is lonely and also a chronic depressive whose health is now rapidly declining with myriad issues linked to old age) rather than the woman who made my childhood and adolescence, ahem, difficult and painful.

I had always taken the compassionate approach but part of me was still hung up on our old power dynamics, which meant every visit used to destroy me. Once I let go of the past, everything changed. And because my behavior is different — gently assertive rather than submissive, the behavior of an adult rather than a child in an adult body — she responds to it so we get on far better than we ever used to.

We’re now building a mutually respectful relationship and will be building it for the rest of our lives but it feels right.

And I feel so much lighter…

Love is always the answer.

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store