Thanks for your kind words, J Apple Muncy. Grief is a part of life and very much a part of love, too.
I can’t really answer your question as I yet have to properly grieve Anthony. I’ve hardly cried, I haven’t exactly broken down either. I’m under so much pressure to keep it all together right now — trying to earn my airfare to fly back to Europe so I can go help my father out as my stepmom undergoes treatment for Stage IV breast cancer — that grief has literally been postponed. When I get to London and visit Anthony’s family, maybe I’ll have an answer for you.
On the same topic, my grandmother died two years ago and I was too cash-strapped to fly back and go attend her funeral. I did grieve for her, alone, privately, crying myself to sleep every night for over a week. It was a weird time that I yet have to put into words, a mixture of guilt at not being able to go pay my last respects, the end of an era as a grandchild as she was my last living grandparent, and the loss of someone I loved so very, very much.
This might give you an idea of who she was and what I mean: