That’s concerning, Matthew Broyles, and yet it’s familiar to me also. While I treasure life now, there are days when my brain isn’t having any of it and exhaustion tends to trigger crises. Based on what you’re saying, we’re in the same boat here.
But the line about your child just… aaaargh. I haven’t had my babies yet. Although I probably still can / could, in practice, well, the day that happens I may well start believing in some supernatural being who allegedly lives in the clouds above our heads. And I cannot possibly imagine the heartache of losing a parent or a partner although that’s what my father, stepbrother, and I have been contemplating for a year already as my stepmom isn’t doing well. But she’s still around so we’re making the most of every moment together.
All I know is that life is endlessly surprising, and so are we, humans. Perhaps because I was dead for five years, still being alive keeps blowing my mind now. It’s the little things, the details, love.
In that sense, yes, we’re around for others, all of us. Often, it is them who keep us going, which means that your presence, too, likely keeps one or more people going too, Matthew.
It all comes back to love. I was utterly bereft without it. Now that it’s back in my life, I’m human again. Overworked, underslept, cash-strapped, still with a chronic illness but fully human.
Thankfully, love tends to expand the more of it you give… Whenever I’m down, I focus on that rather than fear and yes, it’s hard to do and generally takes everything I’ve got and more besides.
But it’s never failed me. Because the human heart is a compass.